The world is filled with people whose attitude is nothing more than “I owe you and you owe me.” You have most likely known someone in your life that lives on favors. It isn’t hard for you to figure out that someone is tallying up a total. The best way to live life is to recognize that success is gained by giving without keeping score. Keeping score will ultimately lead to failure in life.

Almost everyone on this planet has been guilty for keeping score. You may have even done so on a small scale. Let me give two examples that many of you can relate to. Have you ever been to lunch with a group of six friends and for some reason one person of the group always cheats the others when the bill comes? Then you exclude that person from the next lunch because you paid more than your fair share. How about the time your friends didn’t invite you to a party and you didn’t invite them to the next one just get back at them?

So what are the two lessons that you should learn from keeping score? The first lesson here is to let go of the scorekeeper in you. Relationships, whether they are friends, acquaintances, business contacts or romance, grow when you give without expecting anything back. The most important thing you need to know is that what you give you get back. You may not get what you really want now, but the first thing that comes back to you is that you get the reward of having done something good for someone.

Lesson number two is to make it your lifestyle to give. Giving is the key that builds real relationships, not delivering and expecting payments. Once it becomes natural to you, you will find out that you will become more successful along with your friends and contacts. You will also get to set free the obsession of scorekeeping.

So how can you start to make giving your lifestyle? It’s really all a mental approach. Try this exercise out. Begin by closing your eyes, relaxing and taking deep breaths while imagining that you no longer keep score. Now start to visualize how you might feel in your relationships, your work and your friendships without keeping score. Are you beginning to feel peaceful and sound? This is how life will feel like without all that stress. It’s just easier not to keep score.

Just because you stopped keeping score doesn’t mean that you should let yourself be taken advantage of. When you give, don’t give because you have to. Just do the things that make you feel truly good inside. Just try it for a while and then decide for yourself if this change in mindset has helped to enhance your life.

Don’t be afraid to stop scorekeeping. You will never run out of things to give. Go right ahead and spend a week or even a day giving without expectation. Enjoy the good feeling that comes with your charity. In the end, the positive karma will make your life even better than you have it now.

If you can just pay more attention, you will realize that you are tested by life in the same way that you were tested in school. They can come in various forms such as multiple-choice, fill in the blank and essay. Every decision that you come upon to make will decide the course of your future. It is through those choices that your life evolves and takes shapes. Sooner or later, if you yearn to change yourself, you have to learn that your life is really a sequence of personal choices.

If you want to heal from a bad relationship or have freedom and peace of mind from your troubles, then you need to admit that the reason you are stuck in a bad situation or event is because of the result of the choices that you have made. Change the mindset to think that no one is doing it to yourself but you. The reason you are stuck in a bad predicament is that you have been doing that to yourself all along.

No matter how bad you are feeling or what negative situation you find yourself in, life grants you the ability to choose a different response to your situation. This beauty in life is that we get to choose how we react to life’s tests. We were all born with the free will to make decisions. With that, it is up to you to decide how you want your future to take place.

Here is the technique to help you take the necessary steps to improve your life. When presented with a test from life, you can make a better choice by finding out what you don’t want. Once you realize this, it will become clear to you about what decision you should make or what your next move will be.

You can go back and analyze past choices you made by using the following method. Draw a small horizontal line and write down a choice that you made on your own. This can be about anything from leaving for college to getting married. Then draw a small vertical line from the end of the horizontal line. On the vertical line, write down the choice that you didn’t make. Continue to draw the horizontal line for choices made and vertical line for choices not made. You don’t have to put down every choice, just the ones that seem big in your life.

For each connection of the horizontal and vertical line, write down your values as to why you made that decision. For example my horizontal line would write “went to USC”. My vertical line would say “go to UCLA”. At the point where the two lines meet, I write down “better career opportunity.” Do this for all your major choices and analyze your values. Find out what it says about you and how you make decisions in your life.

Remember, just because something bad happens in your life, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. It just means that you may have made some bad decisions along the way. It also means that you are NEVER stuck with the consequences because you have the power to decide to handle the situation.

It is unfortunate because that is the way nature works. Life is always constantly changing whether you like it or not. How many of us would give the world to look and feel like 21 years old again? You obviously can’t keep the beautiful face that you once had, no matter how hard you tried. A great example is Sigourney Weaver. She doesn’t look as good as she did 20 years ago.

You may be happy and satisfied with your life and don’t want things to change, but unfortunately life doesn’t work that way. Speaking of change, it always happens when you least expect it and in the most inopportune times. You usually don’t realize what is happening to you until it is actually happening.

Have you ever been in a situation where you told yourself “I can’t believe this is happening to me?” The feeling that you have at that moment in time is what you don’t realize. When reality finally sinks in, it is unavoidable. You have to deal with it with it eventually. You can run but you can’t hide. The sooner you acknowledge the change, the sooner you can evaluate the situation, learn from it and grow.

Whenever you or others are presented with a problem, there are two outcomes that can occur. Should you choose to handle the situation in a positive way, it will bring people together. However, if you choose to deal with the circumstances in a negative light, it will tear people apart. It is your own choice as to which path you decide to choose.

Everyone, including you and I, gets to decide what kind of meanings and lessons we get to draw from each experience that happens to us. These changes can either be good or bad. The ways we choose to respond to each of life’s challenges can change the way we live and help us to grow personally. You may not find out right away what the lesson is, but if you hang in there long enough, the meaning will reveal itself.

In order to change your mind, try to look for the deeper message and change for the better. Don’t ever let life’s disappointments get you down. It’s all a part of growing up. Just remember that nothing can get better until you decide to change the way that you think about life’s challenges. Learn the lessons of the experience and take them along with you into the future. The sooner you do that, the better off you will be.

You can easily change your outlook in life by doing one simple step. Just by asking yourself HOW instead of WHY, you will be able to get rid of those negative sayings that limit your growth potential.

What you want to do is to pay close attention to the things that you say to yourself either out loud or in your mind. What is it that you are saying to yourself? Do any of following sound familiar? I can’t afford it? Why am I poor? Why can’t I find the love of my life? Why isn’t she calling me back? Why am I so fat?

Our brains are just another smart computer (or even better). The questions that you ask yourself will always get answered like a magic genie in a bottle. Just look at the way you are asking them. If you are posing the questions in a negative frame of mind, then your brain will just spit out negative and useless answers to your questions.

By simply turning those questions around using How, it will help you change your outlook on life and give you helpful ideas to get you on your way.

For example, you ask yourself why am I so fat? Your brain will gladly answer your question by telling you that: You sit on the couch all day watching TV, you’re lazy and do not go exercise, or you eat 20 Twinkies everyday.

However, if you just simply change the question to “How can I lose 20 pounds?” Well, your brain will be more than happy to tell you that you can go running 30 minutes per day/three times per week, start eating more fruits and vegetables and so on. See how a simple change in your question can give you the answers that you seek?

You can take it further by posing your question more specifically such as: “How can I lose 20 pounds in 1 month?” Or “How can I lose 20 pounds in 1 month and have fun doing it?”

Instead of asking “Why can’t I afford it?” (Brain says: you come from a poor family, you don’t have a good job, or you didn’t marry a rich person.) Turn it around and ask “how can I afford it?” Instead of saying “Why can’t I find a nice girl?” Say “How can I find a nice girl?”

By now, you should be getting the point that I am trying to make. Now start practicing and asking yourself HOW instead of WHY on a regular basis. Make it a part of your daily routine. You will soon realize that your outlook on life has shifted to the positive side and that you can practically achieve anything you want!

Research shows that what successful people have in common is a positive attitude. Well, if you UPS can ask “What can brown do for you”? Then you can ask “what can positive thinking do for me”? There are many benefits of developing and having a positive attitude. The first benefit is that it can build hope that your dreams will become reality. Second, it will help you overcome discouragement and past failures. Third, you will become happy with yourself and with others around you. Fourth, you will begin to possess a great deal of self-respect. Fifth, you will begin to attract kindness and ward off negative events. Finally, it will allow you to win over friends and have other people provide full cooperation with you.

So now that you know the benefits of a positive attitude, who would you rather spend time with? The pessimistic individual that always looks at the glass half empty? The angry individual that throws a hissy fit at the smallest of  problems. Or the depressed person whose attitude is “woe is me”? Of course the answer is obvious that you wouldn’t want to spend any time with these people at all. The people that you want to spend time with are the optimistic and confident individuals that are full of life, energy, peace and happiness. 

Having a positive attitude in your life doesn’t automatically come to you. You have to really work at it if you want it to become a part of you. What you want to do is to try and make it a habit. In life, habits can be either positive or negative depending on how you choose them to be. All you need to do is to decide not to allow negative thoughts into your mind and then replace them with positive ones. Once you develop more positive habits, you will realize the influence that it is having on your mind. You will be more alert, more imaginative and more enthusiastic

Make it a part of the way you live. Practice it regularly and it will come to you naturally like riding a bike and chewing gum at same time.

The one thing that you can start doing right now is to have a motto to live by. This motto should be a meaningful word or phrase that will remind you of your commitment to developing a positive attitude. Say it to yourself before you go to work, eat lunch or go to sleep. Use a flash card and place it where you can see it everyday. You can have it in your wallet, on your desk, hanging on the fridge, in the bathroom or taped to the mirror.

Your motto will be a part of your life, so choose one that reflects the true feelings in your heart. The goal of this exercise is to make sure that   person you say you are and the person you really are is one and the same. A few examples of mottos to live by are: do unto others as you would have others do unto you; I can. I will. No matter what; How, not if.

Having a positive attitude will allow you to think and act in a constructive manner. That is what will attract people, success and wealth into your life. Use it to your advantage to make your wants and desires become reality. Your positive attitude will allow you to see things more clearly, allowing you to turn negative event into potential success. Remember that other people will find it irresistible that you possess an optimistic outlook on life.

Many people have at least one personal cause that is dear to them. This can range from their college alma mater, stopping global warming or bringing awareness to fighting in Burma and Darfur. The magic benefit of adding service to their lives is that it has brought them extreme satisfaction. You don’t need to be a billionaire first before you start philanthropy. You can give your time and volunteer.

I am no billionaire myself nor am I even close to it. For me, there is nothing more satisfying than helping the kids that play for my old high school baseball team. I take some time out during the season to help them work on fundamentals during practice. I attend their games to point out situations that they can work on. The satisfaction I get from my time with the kids is that they will grow into terrific baseball players who end up with scholarships playing in college. If they make it to the professional ranks, then that is just an added bonus. If not, I am still proud that they were able to experience life in college.

Life is more than working and achieving goals. No matter how small your act of service for the good of the world is, it will bring a sense of balance and even greater meaning to your life. Most people agree that service is an easy way to enhance their quality of life and that of others. All it takes is a little time and little love and the resulting feeling is incredible.

There are no rules to having a special cause. You can volunteer as little as a few hours per week or month to as much as being extremely involved. The activities that are considered special causes also vary. You can clean up the beach, build houses, feed the homeless, bring food to the elderly or tutor kids. This list is just the tip of the iceberg.

Just try anything, as long as you are doing something to be of service to someone. Make certain that your services are happening on a regular basis. Most important of all is that you give your time because of your desire to help others. By having a special cause, there would be more good done in this world. This will result in living a richer and more satisfying life.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be serious period because there are times in your life where you need to be. There are two kinds of serious. The difference between them is that we are being too serious the majority of the time instead of being serious at certain moments when the time arises. If you are too serious for the bulk of the time, then you will miss out on all the joy life has to offer.

There are many people that now look back on their lives and wonder why they made a big deal out of certain events. They realize that the majority of the concerns that they were upset and irritated about really weren’t a big deal after all. The people that reflected back on their lives realized that the most important aspects in life were the things they took for granted. What you will never find are people that reflect back in their lives and say that they should have been more serious.

I believe that we have the ability to learn how to become less uptight. After all, at some point in time, we all learned how to be too serious. What sort of techniques can you use to relax yourself and become less serious?

First try to develop a great sense of humor. Everyone loves to laugh and it is naturally therapeutic. Having a sense of humor will help us realize that we are not perfect people and that we are all really individuals that are doing the best that we can, flaws and all. It will allow us to make room for life’s imperfections. Simply look at the positive side of your dreadful experience and turn it into an inside joke.

Then you can try the index card technique. On your index card, write down the letter “S” very large and in bright red. Carry this card around with you everywhere you go (you don’t have to go to extremes like taking it to the shower). Place it in an area that is directly in front of you. For example, when you reach your office at work, place the card near your computer monitor where it can be seen everyday. Everytime you see the card, remind yourself of your goal to take things less seriously. Do this for about one month and you can start to see and feel a big difference in your life.

Most of us may have acted in self-pity at one time or another. It seems to work because we feel comfort and protection from the invisible shield that is cast.  The worst part is that it keeps us from growing in life and getting what we want. People that wallow in self-pity are ones that don’t know how to achieve what they want in life. You can tell if someone is acting in self-pity because they like to blame everyone but of themselves.

There are many different kinds of self-pity. See if you can recognize some of them.

One of these forms is that of the victim. Victims always ask “why me?” and always say “life isn’t fair.” They are people that do good deeds but end up getting cheated somehow. They help walk a person across the street and they end up getting sued. They help fix a tire for another car on the side of a freeway and end up getting their car stolen.

Another kind is the blamer. Blamers like to point fingers so that someone else or some other unseen force outside of themselves is responsible for their misfortunes. These fingers are bigger than the foam ones that you see at sporting events. Blamers are the ones that love to take their frustrations out on other people or things. They are the ones throwing chairs or dishes across the room.

Have you ever come across the self-pity critic? They are the ones that always make comparisons to other successful people. They end up asking why other people’s good luck and fortune don’t happen to them since they are just as good as other people. Critics think they can do better than others if they only had the chance. The problem with critics is that they sit back, are all talk and don’t do anything to improve their life. Like, the old saying goes, you’ll never know if you don’t try.

So what can you do to break away from the self-pity cycle?

First, keep a promise to yourself that you will no longer start to wallow in self-pity. Anytime you find yourself doing that, turn your focus into trying to keep that promise to yourself. You are simply conditioning yourself to let go of self-pity whenever it shows up.

Second, write down a list of 5 benefits that you will receive for letting go of self-pity. Will you be happier? Will you gain confidence? Or will you be healthier? Every morning, take a look at that list and remind yourself all the great benefits that you get to experience.

Finally, be on the side of individuals who look at the glass half full. Having a positive outlook on life only attracts more optimistic energy. This will be all that you need to start a new cycle of your life.